That moment when you find old text messages and letters and first realize that person doesn’t care about you like they used to.

And check these out:

http://www.wattpad.com/user/BleedingInDarkness

Specifically, “The Reservoir”. Please, please. &Feedback is welcome. Positive or negative :)

DEAR MARSHALL,

WHY ARE YOU SO INFURIATINGLY FUCKING SMALL. FUCK. I FEEL SO FUCKING WORTHLESS. I FEEL LIKE A LAZY ASS, BUT I HAVE TRIED EVERYWHERE AND I DON’T HAVE THE GAS MONEY TO GET TO LONGVIEW OR SHREVEPORT. I HOPE SOMEONE BLOWS YOU THE FUCK UP. &YOU’RE SO FUCKING SMALL ONE BOMB WOULD DO IT. FUCK YOU, MARSHALL. FUCK YOU.

Fiance is working today so I’m just sitting here, sulking because I don’t have a job yet and I’ve been everywhere in this town. I guess I’ll drown my sorrow in ice cream and play xbox :(

I know no one really cares because I never get on anymore. But hey, you’re following me so what the hell? If you care, I’ll post the link whenever I’m finished. Might be hours, might be days, I don’t know. If you don’t care, I’m just posting this to bug you :)

NOTE: I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG POST. I CAN’T GET THE DAMN LINE BREAK TO WORK.

There are several reasons why I haven’t been on. 1.) My laptop is completely fucked broken and I am financially fucked and can’t afford a new one at this time. 2.) I’ve been way too busy. I’m either working, at the college, or with my boyfriend. 3.) I have had a lot of stressful shit go down in my life. 4.) My depression got to the point to where I attempted to off myself.

What’s changed? A lot. I never told anyone, but I used to self-harm. It was mostly burning and cutting, but someone found out about it. &This special someone helped me on the road to recovery and I very rarely have the urge to hurt myself anymore. I still have pretty bad depression, but all I have to do is call my boyfriend, my guardian angel, and he can always help me no matter what. I did try to kill myself by overdosing about a month ago. I took a whole bottle of painkillers/sleeping pills that I found in the back of the medicine cabinet. I didn’t tell anyone. I talked to everyone as normal and I was on the phone when I did it. No one was none the wiser. I took them around midnight. I was numb, hallucinating, and on the verge of passing out. I gave into sleep about three that morning and surprisingly woke up the next morning about 6:30. And unfortunately, I thought, I felt fine. I was at the college in classes until about noon. By then, I didn’t want to die anymore. I was supposed to go see my boyfriend before my one o’clock class. On my way there, I got extremely dizzy and veered off the side of the road. I have low blood pressure, so I get dizzy quite a bit. I felt dehydrated, but then again, I get that way quite a bit, too. Then I had horrible pains in my stomach and I started hallucinating a little, but not too badly. So, I looked up the symptoms of an overdose on these pills and found that I could be internally bleeding in my stomach and liver. I thought about it and I was okay with dying. I didn’t care. At that point, I started thinking about the people that care about me. Which isn’t many. Mostly I thought about my boyfriend. I put myself in his position and I thought about how hurt I would be if he did this to me. I thought about how selfish I was being and I realized I could not inflict that much pain on him. Hell, we’re moving in together. We care about each other. I love him and I refused to do that to him, so I called him and admitted everything. He made me go to the hospital immediately. &I’ll admit I still want to die sometimes, but I can’t do that again. I can’t be selfish and leave someone I love so much behind to pick up the pieces that his psychotic girlfriend left behind.

I don’t smoke weed anymore. I cut back on it for a long ass time to where I would only smoke occasionally. Now, I never ever smoke. My little sister does and I have every chance to get it. She always offers to share, but I just don’t do it anymore. I can easily get my hands on it, but I’m done. I’m done with all drugs: Marijuana, Cocaine, Handlebars, everything. I have been clean for about a month and a half now, and it’s staying that way.

I have had A LOT of shit go down. But it’s through things like this we learn what’s important in life. I’ve changed a whole fucking lot, but it’s for the better. Not just for me, but for those close to me. I still won’t be on here hardly ever because both me and my laptop are BROKE. But as soon as I get a new one, I’ll be back :)

marijuanaeyes:

taylorhowlett22-deactivated2012 asked: Hey douchebag. Haven't heard from you in forever. You'll probably see me at school the first week. Better some me some love or I'm ripping you ovaries out. :)

A’yo bitch, I know you ain’t coming at me left. I hope I do see you at school the first week! It wouldn’t feel right not seeing you at the beginning of my senior year since I’ve seen you at the beginning of every year I’ve been at that school. You’ll always have love coming from my way, bro. But that still doesn’t mean you can harm my ovaries.